March 23, 2017

Mamahood

Happy Wife Happy Life

The 21st of March marked our 8th wedding anniversary. Bruce and I have been together 10 years and in that time I could swear we’ve experienced a lifetime together already. And as in all relationships, we’ve had our challenges here and there. But we’ve overcome any hurdles by being communicative which works better than trying to strangle one another 😉

One of the questions I get asked regularly is what’s the secret to a happy marriage. Sorry to say I don’t have any secret, maybe a couple of tips but definitely no magical formula.

I can tell you that I’ve had a few failed relationships in my past so I’m no love expert that’s for sure. I can probably blame some of it to my youth. But the positive take away, is that they sort of groomed me to understand what I wanted and needed from the man I would ultimately marry.

So, I’m not going to be giving you relationship advice because that’s not my forte. I’ve decided to do some research and compile some top tips from experts that I thought were interesting on how to keep your marriage intact. You’ve probably heard them before but I think it’s important to be periodically reminded. Here are a few …

  • Make a point of saying something nice to your spouse every day. It can be as simple as “thanks for doing the dishes”, or “I like your new haircut.” People listen better when you start a conversation by saying something positive. (Quote taken from Huffington Post)
  • In every argument, remember that there won’t be a “winner” and a “loser”. You are partners in everything so you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution. (Stronger Marriages)
  • Let the little things go and think big picture. Since you’re in it for the long haul, are you really going to care who did or didn’t run the dishwasher when you look back in 10 years? Remind yourself that your relationship is much, much bigger than any one minor incident. (Pop Sugar)
And as in all relationships, we’ve had our challenges here and there...
  • Nothing is more important in a marriage than the relationship between husband and wife.When other things become more important, such as careers, children, and personal pursuits, trouble sets in. Make the relationship your top priority. When you do, the marriage flourishes.  (Your Tango)
  • Know that you won’t always be happy. The bumps of everyday life can take the glow off any marriage, says Bukh. So he advises diving into issues headfirst: “If both people remember that pain in a relationship can produce great people and a great marriage, then the crisis can be a new beginning.” Research backs him up. A study from the University of Tennessee shows that anticipating some rough relationship patches results in greater satisfaction over the long haul. (Men’s Health)
  • Live your own damn life. Lerner emphasizes the importance of independence. “Connect with friends and family, pursue your own interests and be of service to others,” she says. “If your primary energy isn’t directed to living your own life as well as possible, you’ll be over-focused on your partner in a worried or critical way.” (Salon)
  • Make room for sex. If you and your hubby’s libidos are matched evenly, don’t worry if sex takes a back seat on having kids. If one wants more nookie than the other, however, Meredith advises making room for sex in a busy schedule. “That might mean getting enough rest and sleep the night before, cancelling any other commitments, getting the kids minded, turning off your phones and computers, and doing nice things to each other,” she says. “Think about what the other person wants, not just what you feel like giving. So, ask them, take it in turns and take your time.” She adds that it’s perfectly normal for sex to fall off the menu when kids come into the mix. “Sometimes you just have to hang in there because one of you is dog tired. It won’t be dreadful forever – but if the drought goes on for too long, seek some assistance.” (Kid’s Spot)

If you’re in a relationship, married or not, I think these are some pretty solid tips. Marriage is like a garden, you really have to tend to it. You have to really want to put in the work to make it work. It’s not easy but you should make sure to keep it fun and to not allow that spark to wane.

 

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Françoise says:

Congratulations, you seem both very happy! I also think that learning to know yourself before being involved in a relationship is also a way to ensure you know what is good for you and what is not. That way you can avoid being with someone that doesn’t match your needs and hopes, which is a good way not to feel frustrated one day or another during the relationship.

Jamie Harvey says:

Great advice, Emma. May God bless you and Bruce!

Elisa says:

Dear Emma,
Thank you so much for this great post. Your tips, as well as those you compiled, are very wise and helpful. My husband and I have been married for a year now and I will definitely take your advices to heart.
Through this comment, I would also like to congratulate and thank you for this wonderful blog. You discuss various issues which matter to a lot of women and you do this in a very beautiful and modest way. I do not have children yet but I have read all your articles on motherhood, education, health, etc. I have learnt a lot! I lost my mom three years ago but thanks to you I already feel prepared to become a mother one day.
I wish all the best to you and your family.
Kind regards,
Elisa

Julie Sheppard says:

Actually, it should say happy partner, happy life! Coming up on 22 years of Marriage this Aug 5th, and 27 years together. Marriage should always be 50/50, both of you are equally important!
Tell each other everyday how much you love them. We never go to bed angry or upset, we make sure we always discuss and resolve issues that may arise, cuz that can create resentment and anger. We never take each other for granted. My hubby and I don’t need approval, but out of respect let each other know hey I bought this or that, that way everyone is on the same page. Make time for yourself, your friends but most importantly, your family and definitely Make time for just the two of you, have fun with it , surprise each other with special things, a special note, a poem, a walk, a getaway (none of this has to break the bank) it’s the smaller things in life that mean the most, a hug, spooning, holding hands, a wink, a surprise visit, a walk in the park, you get the gist.
Life is so short, you never know what hand you will be dealt, so appreciate your spouse “your best friend” as much as humanly possible! Like #TimMcGraw’s song #Live like you were dying!
I’m not sure how much more time we have together, I have Pulmonary Fibrosis and the only thing I would have changed is to do more things together, cuz now I’m limited! Please never take any day for granted, enjoy each and every day you have together! I have to tell you that even after all this time, I still get those when I am with him! I have been blessed with the best husband in the world and I don’t even want to think about a day without him! Just always appreciate what you have and be thankful everyday for all the special gifts your given on a daily basis, a smile, a hug, a kiss and be grateful!
I hope you have many more anniversaries to come and I pray for many more for my marriage! Hopefully someone can take something from my message, and it may help them in their marriage! Take care and be happy!

Rosemary Knapp (RK) says:

Emma, You and I share a couple of things in common; George was 26 years older and I too became an instant stepmother to three great kids (one girl, two boys). No kids together but we had nearly 26 very happy years together before I lost him.
I don’t claim to have any “secrets” for a happy marriage other than to love and respect each other. But if I may add my two cents to this conversation…as long as B has that awesome smile on his face when he looks at you, you are definitely doing something right! May God bless you and your family with many more happy years together!

Emma Heming Willis says:

You are awesome Rosemary. Thank you. All good solid words of wisdom xxxx

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