Nothing will make you more aware of your mortality than when you become a parent. That’s what has happened to me and it has been paralyzing at times. So much so that I called my beloved ObGyn the other day and asked if I was suffering from postpartum depression. He said, “Emma, Evelyn is 20 months old. You are past the postpartum depression time.” S*it, I’m going crazy I thought.
I called my local doctor and paid him a well visit. I confessed that I’ve been having dark “what if” scenarios constantly playing out in my head regarding the kids and me. I gave him some examples. He looked at me and said “welcome to parenthood”. He reassured me that all my “what ifs” were actually nothing that he hadn’t heard before from other parents. Thankfully he wasn’t as freaked out as I thought he might have been. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. I wasn’t going crazy.
The fact is that I love these girls beyond anything that I have known possible. And in a way it’s good to be aware of my mortality as it keeps me on my toes regarding my family’s well-being. But I do know I need to get a handle on what goes on in my head. I can’t begin to tell you the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders just by expressing my concerns to someone I trust, and to top it off, to realize I am actually quite normal!
Nothing will make you more aware of your mortality than when you become a parent...
Just as I was writing this up I decided to take a quick break and checked Facebook. And randomly I received an article that broke down into very digestible bits exactly what happens to a woman during and after giving birth. It’s all very primal—it’s actually quite amazing to learn to what extent our bodies and minds are so incredibly and perfectly built to procreate. And it’s been that way since the beginning of time. It’s fascinating.
I’m attaching a link to the article as I figured there are plenty of other moms out there likely experiencing the same thing I am. I assure you, it will do wonders for your sanity!
So, if you’re having any pent-up thoughts that might seem very dark and scary to you, pick up the phone or talk to someone who can comfort and assure you that it is all part of the process of being a human being.