Happy Wife Happy Life
The 21st of March marked our 8th wedding anniversary. Bruce and I have been together 10 years and in that time I could swear we’ve experienced a lifetime together already. And as in all relationships, we’ve had our challenges here and there. But we’ve overcome any hurdles by being communicative which works better than trying to strangle one another 😉
One of the questions I get asked regularly is what’s the secret to a happy marriage. Sorry to say I don’t have any secret, maybe a couple of tips but definitely no magical formula.
I can tell you that I’ve had a few failed relationships in my past so I’m no love expert that’s for sure. I can probably blame some of it to my youth. But the positive take away, is that they sort of groomed me to understand what I wanted and needed from the man I would ultimately marry.
So, I’m not going to be giving you relationship advice because that’s not my forte. I’ve decided to do some research and compile some top tips from experts that I thought were interesting on how to keep your marriage intact. You’ve probably heard them before but I think it’s important to be periodically reminded. Here are a few …
- Make a point of saying something nice to your spouse every day. It can be as simple as “thanks for doing the dishes”, or “I like your new haircut.” People listen better when you start a conversation by saying something positive. (Quote taken from Huffington Post)
- In every argument, remember that there won’t be a “winner” and a “loser”. You are partners in everything so you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution. (Stronger Marriages)
- Let the little things go and think big picture. Since you’re in it for the long haul, are you really going to care who did or didn’t run the dishwasher when you look back in 10 years? Remind yourself that your relationship is much, much bigger than any one minor incident. (Pop Sugar)
And as in all relationships, we’ve had our challenges here and there...
- Nothing is more important in a marriage than the relationship between husband and wife.When other things become more important, such as careers, children, and personal pursuits, trouble sets in. Make the relationship your top priority. When you do, the marriage flourishes. (Your Tango)
- Know that you won’t always be happy. The bumps of everyday life can take the glow off any marriage, says Bukh. So he advises diving into issues headfirst: “If both people remember that pain in a relationship can produce great people and a great marriage, then the crisis can be a new beginning.” Research backs him up. A study from the University of Tennessee shows that anticipating some rough relationship patches results in greater satisfaction over the long haul. (Men’s Health)
- Live your own damn life. Lerner emphasizes the importance of independence. “Connect with friends and family, pursue your own interests and be of service to others,” she says. “If your primary energy isn’t directed to living your own life as well as possible, you’ll be over-focused on your partner in a worried or critical way.” (Salon)
- Make room for sex. If you and your hubby’s libidos are matched evenly, don’t worry if sex takes a back seat on having kids. If one wants more nookie than the other, however, Meredith advises making room for sex in a busy schedule. “That might mean getting enough rest and sleep the night before, cancelling any other commitments, getting the kids minded, turning off your phones and computers, and doing nice things to each other,” she says. “Think about what the other person wants, not just what you feel like giving. So, ask them, take it in turns and take your time.” She adds that it’s perfectly normal for sex to fall off the menu when kids come into the mix. “Sometimes you just have to hang in there because one of you is dog tired. It won’t be dreadful forever – but if the drought goes on for too long, seek some assistance.” (Kid’s Spot)
If you’re in a relationship, married or not, I think these are some pretty solid tips. Marriage is like a garden, you really have to tend to it. You have to really want to put in the work to make it work. It’s not easy but you should make sure to keep it fun and to not allow that spark to wane.