You may have heard the expression you cannot pour from an empty cup. Have you ever found yourself giving and giving and giving until your cup is so empty that it feels like it has a giant hole in the bottom? It is easy to feel that our self-care cups are leaving from the bottom, especially when we are supporting someone living with brain change. When self-care takes a backseat, we can find ourselves physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually exhausted – episodically or completely burned out. When attempting to manage life that is both predictably and unpredictably changing, with surprises and moments of chaos, the core survival part of the brain kicks into gear. Your very existence is under threat! Powerful survival stress hormones are released that elicit fright, flight, fight, hide, or seek reactions, over and over again. Not everyone experiences distress and burnout in the same ways. It may manifest in irritability, fatigue, problems sleeping, brain fog, weight gain or loss, digestive stress, feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, and social isolation. To be able to support someone as effectively as possible and avoid burnout, it is essential to make time for self-care to refill our cups. The release of stress hormones can be combatted by becoming aware of our body’s signals and choosing to opt for a few minutes of self-care.

How do you feel after reading the above paragraph? You may be feeling frustrated, or even downright angry at this advice. Many care partners feel certain that it simply isn’t possible to make time for self-care right now. We completely understand the feeling, especially when faced with a seemingly unending list of tasks you must complete each day. However, the good news is that you can start very small and still improve your wellbeing. Here are some ideas:

Find ways to practice self-compassion

What you are doing matters! Take time to acknowledge your achievements by writing them down in a daily journal. This allows you to look back over the week at what you were able to remain focused on and get completed. This also means quieting the self-critical inner voice telling us to do more and be more. If this feels too daunting, start by simply taking thirty seconds at the end of the day to identify just a few things that you did well that day. Saying them out loud is best, if possible. Remember, the accomplishments do not need to be significant – it can be something as simple as remembering to water your favorite houseplant.

Deep breathing

One of the simplest ways we can relax and reduce stress hormones is by taking slow, deep breaths. Many individuals find it helpful to wake up a few minutes earlier each day to practice deep breathing to get the day started off right. If this seems impossible right now, try taking just three slow, deep breaths in a row. Even three deep breaths will lower your heart rate and relax your body – and drop your cortisol level. To start this practice as a new habit, consider setting an alarm for five times a day, just as a prompt. Once you get into the new habit, then you can repeat this pattern throughout the day, as often as you are able.

Mind and body techniques

Practices such as yoga, Tai Chi, meditation, or prayer can be incredible self-care techniques. Not only will these types of practices help you feel centered and focused, but studies show they can contribute to your physical health by lowering blood pressure and maybe even strengthening your muscles. If the idea of starting a new practice right now seems not feasible, you may wish to try a phone app that provides very short segments of meditation, movement, or yoga. Even five minutes a day can be extremely beneficial.

Try changing one component of your diet

Vague goals such as I’m going to start eating a healthy diet can be hard to achieve for many care partners. Try choosing one small aspect to change. For example, maybe you decide to substitute one glass of water for that extra cup of coffee in the afternoon. Or, as tempting as that candy bar is, maybe you try eating a piece of fruit before reaching for the chocolate bar this evening. Nutrition is a key factor in preventing burnout. The chronic stress of caregiving has been linked to an inflammatory response, which can be compounded when your diet is high in comforting processed foods.

Create a nighttime routine for improving sleep quality

Many care partners do not get the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep nightly that is required to reduce health risk factors. Taking time at the end of your day, even just a few minutes, to unwind, journal, meditate, pray, etc. will support the recharge your body and mind need. 

Build a team

The journey of dementia is not one that anyone should take alone. Finding support is critical to your well-being and that of the person you’re supporting. Asking friends and family members for assistance and support is often a good place to start. If you don’t have a support system of friends and family, local community centers, aging resource centers, faith communities, and dementia associations are good places to seek assistance. Online support groups or counseling are other options that many people find to be convenient. 

The role of care partner is certainly not an easy one, and Positive Approach to Care® is here to support you. Check out the Care Partner Support Series for more in-depth topics, join us for a Champion Course to learn those new skills and reduce your stress. If you have any questions, please reach out to us at info@teepasnow.com or visit www.teepasnow.com.